Ambiguity and Meaning

There is a lot going on with this meme... Ideas and symbols which intuitively seem to make sense to us: danger, ambiguity, meaning… But I think we can learn from them if we reflect a little longer.

As I read the words on the meme, I already find myself vaguely noticing the two exclamation marks. There seems to be something "dangerous" about ambiguous experiences. A yellow road sign with an exclamation mark means "other danger." This whole proposal (ambiguous experiences for making meaning over time) smells of danger, unforeseen dangers.

When a situation is ambiguous, when it is open to different interpretations, life fogs up. Ambiguity runs through our flesh like a cold, subtle shiver. Things are not so clear.

And it made me think.

This is a very distinct image of ambiguity. The image can be interpreted as a duck or a rabbit. It's open to two valid interpretations. Funny enough, though, when you see the rabbit, you can't see the duck. And when you see the duck, you can't see the rabbit. Although this is an ambiguous image, vision shifts from one interpretation to another without being able to hold both interpretations simultaneously.

But at the end of the day, this is just a perceptual illusion. There is no shiver running down my spine while seeing the duck or the rabbit. Although a good and clear example of ambiguity, the image can't do justice to how existential ambiguities are lived.

Let's take it from a more lived situation where ambiguity can be upsetting. I meet someone and find myself attracted to them. I ask them out to meet at the park. We spend a few hours together and have a great time. But I'm left with the question, "do they like me back romantically or just as a friend?"

I can't really figure out. They respond to my flirtatious comments. We laugh together. Yet they also tell me, "I got out of a long relationship and find myself a little lost about love." Is that an opening? Or does it close the possibility of us being together romantically? It can be either/or. I can't make it out.

Now, I feel the shiver in my back. Now I feel a stutter before my words. They don't flow out as easily. I'm confused. If I tell them I like them romantically, will I get shut down? Will I get hurt? But what if I don't... I really like this person. Like really really like them.

Attraction is ambiguous as hell! For some, this is what's so crippling about it, and for others, this is what makes dating really enjoyable: staying with this ambiguity and trying to understand the dynamics of a "possible" romantic relation.

What we see here is that ambiguity, when we open ourselves to it, when we stay with it, appears as questions: "is this the case or is it not the case?" So, I guess this is what the initial meme means by "making meaning over time."

But what kind of making is this? Is it a making similar to making a product on the factory line? It surely isn't! There is no ambiguity on a production line - that's what makes it super efficient and clear.

Staying with ambiguity has its own artistry. It's a craft one practices. For me, it's very similar to writing a piece. When I begin a piece, I usually have a good idea of what I want to write. But as I get into it, ideas become a little more convoluted, the path is not always so clear. Sometimes I write, then erase, write more, then erase more, and only then find what I'm trying to say through this back and forth. I try different ways, change my phrases, and reorganize my thoughts. Sometimes, I get so stuck between various paths and interpretations that I wanna leave the piece and never touch it again. Spontaneous questions spring up from the text and I feel overwhelmed. But the more I stick with the piece, the more I come back to it and really try to think through it, a path usually opens up and takes me to a place I could not have foreseen before.

When things are not going well in a relationship, most common way to respond is to not respond, to shy away from opening a discussion, to sweep the tension under the rug. The ambiguity is so threatening (do we really have issues/is it because we are just busy/is our love deteriorating/are we not interested in each other anymore) we look away.

We stick with how things have been and try to play out our usual. We can't look into the eyes of ambiguity and anxiety. We can't look into the eyes of our partner. We think, "if we start to talk about this, it might be the end of us." So, we don't talk about it. We don't come out and be honest. We don't genuinely show up and become answerable to ourselves, to the other, and to the relationship. We imprison the meaning of this relationship to what has been and don't question it. We do not allow new meanings to come to fruition. We can't endure staying with ambiguity and fail to question the current dynamics of our relationship.

Here is another ambiguous image. First time I saw this, it took me over 15 minutes to see the old woman. Young woman was easy but the old one... Man, I felt so dumb. It wasn't as quick as the rabbit/duck image.

Ambiguity, as the initial meme suggests, usually settles into clarity over time. And sometimes, it just stays ambiguous. We never get a clear answer. It sticks to our flesh and continues to bother us.

But going back to ambiguous relationship dynamics, these partners have to communicate in order to see through ambiguity. And I bet, it will take a while to figure out what's really going on. And I bet, once they think they figured it out, it will grow ambiguous again. It will settle and muddle and resettle again. Situations shift and give rise to different tensions, especially relationships that are very fundamental to our hopes, visions, and core values.

If the couple keeps questioning their relationship and genuinely stay answerable to these questions, then they will continue to figure new meanings out of their relationship. They might realize that their emotional cycles mimic their parents’ cycles, that slowly they can work through them, that they don't have to become their parents. They might realize that they can evolve through one another and go beyond what they have seen and learned prior.

The couple sees new possibilities through a cycle they have been stuck in. What feels stuck opens up in new paths of meaning and action. That's meaning making over time. But not empty time like this many days or that many hours. This is time lived in effort, openness, compassion, and reciprocal understanding. This is hardwork-time.

This is what Eric Fromm called "standing in love." Falling is easy. It happens to you. Standing is difficult. You have to do it with others, eye to eye, arm in arm, by supporting each other.

And this meaning is not manufactured. It does not fit into pre-made molds. This is the kind of meaning which flourishes with care and openness. It grows like plants, like children, like humans. We participate in its coming to being. We tend to it. We attend to it. We keep ourselves open so it can speak through us. We embody an ambiguous situation so we can figure it out. Literally figure it out. Our bodies take the figure of the situation. We sit down. We face each other. We speak and listen to one another. We don't simply figure things out in our heads. We figure them out in the world through our bodies in relation to others.

Ambiguity threatens us since opening ourselves to these existential questions can derail our expectations and plans. If I lose my lover, if I'm not in this relationship, then WHO AM I? WHAT IS MY FUTURE? Opening ourselves to ambiguity can turn our world upside down. But have you looked around upside down? You see things anew. That world is not the world you are used to. Tan says, "doing a headstand everyday is a necessary perspective shift to open ourselves to the world." Ambiguity is just like that. But don't forget: you can always fall and hurt yourself.

D - 20/9/2022